It seems young men are starved for information on how to successfully traverse the dating world. After appearing on The Top Romp Show last week, something I barely mentioned garnered the most attention: The Friendzone. In fact, the question I’ve received most since the podcast aired: “How Do I Avoid the Friendzone?”
The Friendzone is a euphemism for when a man’s romantic interest in a woman isn’t reciprocated. A woman’s not going to say, “Sorry, there’s no romantic interest.” She’ll offer friendship instead.
By the time women begin dating, they’ve mastered indirect and nuanced communication, most of which is developed to avoid confrontation. The Friendzone rejection is perhaps the single woman’s highest form of nuance, as it allows her to preserve self-regard and avoid feeling guilty—a strong emotion for the feminine. It further puts the onus on the man to accept or reject her “friendly” offer, which leaves him as the bad person should he reject. Heads she wins, tails he loses.
Attention, please!
Women need attention—lots of it. In Friendzone-rejecting a man, a woman often presumes she’ll maintain a man’s attention despite the rejection. If he obliges her, she’ll continue receiving attention, validation and social affirmation, all of which highly influence female psychology and behavior.
A man should never oblige a woman’s “friendly” offer. He should remove his attention full-stop. No phone calls. No text messages. A woman will not change from “friendly feelings” to carnal desire and maximum polarity.
Time spent “friending” a woman is better spent with other prospects, or improving oneself to attract better options. If she didn’t recognize your value or have strong sexual instincts toward you, she’s not what you want. Besides, after rejecting you, what better indicator do you need that she will continue to make bad decisions? (Insert emoji with tongue out)
The Friendzoned guy (FZG) trying to prove himself worthy of a woman’s intimacy proves her assumption—dude is a chump. Meanwhile, she’ll continue to go on dates looking for the carnal connection she didn’t experience with FZG. I’m not saying she’ll be getting sleighed by some indifferent stud who thinks the woman that dude pedestalized is barely worthy of his “Friends with Benefits” rotation. But I am typing it. Thus, men have their own version of the Friendzone, in which a man will use a woman to satisfy his physical intimacy needs without committing to a relationship.
Women would rather compete for the stud (who she’ll complain about to the chump who accepted her “friendly” offer), than consider being with someone she perceives as lesser value than herself. Women only date laterally and up the male dominance hierarchy.
The upside of being Friendzoned is that if a man keeps improving himself, his dating prospects may get hotter and younger, if that’s his preference. Which leads us to…
The Sexual Marketplace
The sexual marketplace is where men and women come to assess one another’s value as prospective mates, and wage verbal war on others; hence, men call other men gay; women say other women are fat, old/young or crazy.
Men who get discouraged when they don’t “get the girl” fail to realize their position in the sexual marketplace should be getting stronger as a woman’s gets weaker. The male focused on self-improvement is going to develop those things (strength, leadership, charisma, status, income, ability to pass shit tests) which make him more attractive to women as he ages, while a woman becomes further removed from the age at which men find women most attractive.
A single 25-year old woman in the sexual marketplace enjoys mass appeal, while the 32-year old single woman competes with women in their 20s. The reverse is true for a 25-year old single guy, who can almost never compete with a 32-year old single man—men and women value different things in the opposite sex.
I was cheated on twice in my twenties, each time with older men whom they married. My ex-girlfriends’ hypergamy led them to take advantage of the years (mid-20s) when their mating options were maximal. Why continue to date 26-year old me who is still trying to “figure it out?”
Mens’ options and position of strength will increase in their thirties. Consequently, the 32-year old version of him is going to be much more attractive to women than the 25-year old version.
The Dating Game
Do not get discouraged when Friendzoned. Perhaps you were overly accommodating and agreeable (feminine), or she was aloof and detached (masculine). Several combinations of masculine/feminine behavior will lead to a clash i.e. masculine/masculine, feminine/feminine, etc.; however, there is only one combination worth seeking (masculine/feminine). When there is high masculine/feminine on your dates, both of you will experience the sort of magnetic attraction that induces anxious tension and arousal.
Understand that you can play your cards well and still lose the hand. While every hand played is a learning experience, neither of you is going to enjoy playing cards with everyone. As you learn more about inter-gender dynamics through vast experience, you’ll start to feel like you’re playing poker while your dates are playing blackjack. In blackjack, one plays the cards; in poker, you play the other person who is playing their cards. Much of your success navigating the dating game will depend on knowing how to play the player.
It is a mistake in seduction to share with your dates what you know about female psychology. Hyper-rationality—especially the kind that exposes societal lies promoting polarity-destroying androgyny—tends to be anti-seductive. Keep it light and playful. Good luck out there.
