I saw an advertisement that said, “If you’re not completely satisfied with your sex life, give us a call.”
Genius marketing. Since it’s a fact of human nature that we’re insatiable creatures.
In fact, the biggest impediments to contentment are these:
- Expectations
- Human nature is insatiable
- Comparing yourself to other people
Let’s focus on expectations. I’m at an age where about a quarter of my former classmates are going through midlife crises. That happens when the expectation of what you thought your life would be by a certain age doesn’t come to pass.
So they either do what Thoreau said: “…lead quiet lives of desperation,” or they start chasing young women, buy a Porsche and get hair plugs.
The problem is most of these men are relatively healthy and prosperous. But they’ve fallen victim to the Big 3 above.
They’ve also overestimated how much achieving their goals would make them happy. Not realizing it’s the daily aggravations that eat at them.
For example, providing a 3-story house for the fam is a laudable goal. But once he’s got it, he quickly gets used to it, and reverts to his baseline happiness-level.
Same with the new Rav-4. We tend to think that cool feeling you get from the valet’s daps and demure dames wanting to take a picture next to your car will last forever.
Nope. We’re terrible at predicting how something will make us feel 6 months from now, much less 6 years or 16 years from now.
But daily downers mount up fast, almost without notice.
By way of illustration, daily commuting can make someone unhappy over and over. Same for a soul-sucking job where you’re required to sit in a cubicle under fluorescent lighting for 8 hours/day.
This is a problem we can confront together, men. Women have their own midlife crisis to deal with. While we tend to go from 0 to 100 real quick—whether it’s sexual arousal or anxiety and depression in your 40s—women are more complicated. Their midlife crisis is spread out over a lifetime, in the form of mini-crises. Lots of 1’s and 2’s that might add up to a man’s 100 at midlife.
So what can we do?
Firstly, we should stick together. Secondly, lower expectations.
The reason much of America is ecstatic right now is because the 2020 Election (and fallout) lowered expectations for this most recent election. After all, if the guy who beat Medicare got 81 million votes, what’s to keep someone even dumber from getting 82 million.
There are many aspects of life where I keep expectations low. That way I’m pleasantly surprised when I get what I want.
For example, I must’ve told my daughter I loved her 1000 times before I heard it back. Now, she says it out of the blue and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Best thing ever.
I also don’t expect a “thank you.” For as Taleb said, “Pure generosity is when you help the ingrate. Every other form is self-serving.”
Something else I do is not expect an immediate reply when I text someone. Even non-replies are a good thing because it helps to refine your friends group. If your 25th best friend doesn’t get back to you, that frees up time to deepen relationships with your best bros.
I also expect to eat leftovers then get excited for a home-cooked meal.
And I never go to the club anticipating VIP treatment. But when I go inside, drop $2,000 on bottle service and get crunk, I become the VIP.
At least most of that is true.
Bottom line is this: Don’t get caught on the treadmill of ever-increasing expectations. Learn to be content with where you are while pursuing what you want.
As Naval said, “The only real test of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life.”
If you’re not getting what you want out of life, work toward getting it. Just be mindful of old Buddhist wisdom that says, “There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path” (external things won’t bring lasting happiness).
I’m not encouraging you to avoid going where expectations are high. And by all means, surround yourself with others who wish to do BIG things with their life—it’s the fastest way to level-up.
But remember to manage expectations—you’re competing with yourself.
The only scorecard that matters is your own.
