How to Figure Out if Someone is Genuine or Fake

Recall your last interaction where you weren’t sure if the person was genuine or “fake.” Maybe it was a new hire, a new tenant or a first date. Ultimately, you decided to give the person the benefit of the doubt—you took a chance on them.

But it turns out you made the wrong call. Lots of time and effort was wasted on someone who shouldn’t have been worth your time in the first place.

You made a mistake and feel ashamed.

While you may be anxious to do a root cause analysis to determine why you made the mistake and how to avoid it in the future, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it—we all make errors in judgment. You should only be ashamed if you make the same mistake twice.

The way to avoid making the same error in judgment again is by studying human nature, which is unchanged for thousands of years.

Become a Student of Human Nature

One of life’s most important skills is the ability to gauge people’s true nature based on your interactions with them and how they relate to others, their degree of ego-investment and conscientiousness, and their tendency toward manipulation or sincerity. Your discernment is so critical because it will help you to avoid bad hires and bad bosses, manipulations and one-sided friendships, time-suck mind games and emotionally draining relationships that make your life fucking miserable.

As a student of human nature, you learn to pay attention to people’s eyes, which hold the key to a genuine or fake smile. Be subtle; look at the area around the eyes. Train yourself to be alert when there is no hint of crow’s feet when they “smile.” In like manner, you’ll notice flashes of irritation across their face that you would’ve missed if not for other nonverbal cues.

Deliberate practice will have neurons firing and background brain processes happening automatically. For example, your mind will quickly and effortlessly scan memories of similar interactions you’ve had while you’re in dialogue, that person’s accompanying body language, and real-world outcomes of those dealings.

Dots will connect faster. Body language, tendencies and micro-facial expressions you would not have seen in the past are now aiding your better judgment.

Everybody Likes Magic

Children are inherently better at reading micro-facial expressions than adults because they must decipher people’s smiles and voice tonality out of necessity. A kid’s ability to pay attention to small details is why magicians prefer “Little Billy” not sit in the front row. Think of it. A magician says, “Boom, the coin has ‘vanished!'” And Little Billy blurts out, “It must be in your other hand!” thinking that he’s helping.

On the flip side of that coin [puns are to words what magic is to cards], even when kids aren’t trying to help, they don’t know that magicians often do things to set up tricks. For example, Little Billy might observe a detail such as a card stuck to the bottom of another card. Lacking a filter and not realizing he will bust the show, he shouts, “There’s a card stuck to the bottom of that card!”

Two cards impersonating one might’ve been missed by an adult (and not just because he’s three feet taller than the kid). Even if an adult had seen the card stuck under the other card, he wouldn’t have said anything that would wreck the magician’s performance—unless he was a real asshole. But Little Billy wouldn’t think the man an a-hole. Thus, kids aren’t good judges of character, as is often (wrongly) assumed. I’ll explain.

“Stranger Danger” & The Wisdom of Kids

If you put a stranger or someone a kid doesn’t know in front of them, and the kid lights up with a smile, many think that stranger is a good person. Some think the same with dogs.

But kids aren’t even mediocre judges of character—the man who ruined the magician’s performance is indeed a huge ass.

However, kids are better at recognizing a genuine smile from a fake one. The reason is that kids instinctively focus on more important cues of authenticity—they pay close attention to both the mouth and eyes instead of being deceived by “raised cheeks” and subtle eye-mouth discrepancies.

We have the power within us to reclaim our childlike observation skills, which are deeply ingrained. They’re handed down to us through thousands of years of evolutionary history.

Of course the development of language made our ability to decode others’ expressions less necessary. For this reason, we’ve abandoned our keen interest in observing others to understand them. Thus, we rely way too much on words, which like a magician, can be deceiving.

My Errors in Judgment

I’ve had two assistants this past year who unexpectedly quit. It left me with my dick in my hand. And if you’re like me, you can’t believe it has taken me almost two years of blogging to write that last sentence.

One guy owed me $100 for unfinished work. When I gave him my address so that he could refund the money, he said that his bills were piling up, adding, “Besides, it’s not like you need the money.”

Been a minute since I wanted to face-paint some dude with my foot. The other guy quit because he “thought the job would be fun and it just feels like work.”

I wasted considerable time and effort interviewing, hiring and training those two guys. My “root cause” showed red flags. But I took a swing anyway, and missed. Reminds me of a summer league baseball game played vs. Mayde Creek High on June 19, 1996 (my 16th birthday).

Bases loaded, 3-2 count, in a summer-league game that didn’t mean much. I took a swing at an 85-mph fastball over my head. I had decided before the pitch that I was going to hit a grand slam for my birthday—the location of the 3-2 pitch was irrelevant.

My two assistants were like that 85-mph fastball—far outside the zone of where I’m going to have success—I should’ve taken a walk.

People are People

In 1984, Depeche Mode released a song that begins, “People are people so why should it be. You and I should get along so awfully.”

You never arrive at a place in life where you’re going to make perfect judgments about people. Humans are complex creatures. Even those you think you know best will surprise you.

It’s important to remember that people change, human nature does not. Understanding this reduces a lot of emotion in your dealings.

As for my bad hires, I feel no regret, which is hindsight decision-making and wastes precious time and mental energy. Also my ego is not invested in my poor character judgments. I’ve done my “root cause,” now I move onward and upward, with new facts about human nature in my quiver.

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee … I know it’s in Texas … probably in Tennessee, that says…fool me once, shame on…shame on you.

…If you fool me you can’t get fooled again.” – George W. Bush