There’s a disturbing trend in our country: Young men are abandoning masculinity and becoming more feminine; young women are becoming more masculine. This observation became glaringly obvious when I returned to the United States after visiting parts of Latin America and Eastern Europe.
At a coffee shop in Bucharest, Romania, I was talking to a local guy about the stunning beauty of Romanian women. I expected him to tell me that he prefers American women, as most men I meet overseas do. So I asked him, “Do you realize how good you have it here, or do you take the women in your country for granted?” His candor surprised me when he said, “I do realize this always [Romanian women are beautiful]…women in America, they are very…ahh…what is this word…ahh…like a man?” I gave him the stink eye and said, “Manly?” He said, “Ahh yes, maybe this. They act like men very much. And your men they are like a woman.”
Bringing Masculinity Back
Masculinity in America has unfortunately been redefined to fit a feminine imperative. The root of this endemic lies in concerted efforts to challenge the predisposition of males, even labeling predominately male characteristics as “toxic.”
Masculine men are no longer portrayed in mass media or popular culture. Men as buffoons have permeated TVs and movie screens as long as I can remember. Watch any favored television show or sitcom with a critical eye and you’ll notice an actor with masculine traits is ridiculed for his masculinity. A woman displaying the same traits is lauded and revered.
As a thought experiment, ask yourself when is the last time you saw a woman on TV following the lead of her husband; or a masculine man not cast as a pushover dummy. If our media and schools succeed in fully feminizing men in an effort to equalize the playing field, we’ll inadvertently create a homogenized gender.
Don’t Get it Twisted, Define Masculinity
There was a time when “Pat” on SNL was funny. But comical isn’t how you’d describe present-day “Pat.” He lurks at my gym in Houston and other metropolitan areas. His grasp of the proverbial high society ladder is the wrung just above metrosexual. These pretty “brosefs” don glimmering white teeth, waxed eyebrows and a spray tan. They work harder sculpting their bodies than shaping their brains, while their sexual preference depends on the day of the week.
This masculine/feminine confusion started long before our “coolest” president threw a baseball “like a girl”—something our media cheered and others might hesitate to say without a pseudonymous blog.
“We don’t need to reinvent manliness. We only need to will ourselves to wake up from the bad dream of the last few generations and reclaim it, in order to extend and enrich that tradition under the formidable demands of the present.” –Waller R. Newell
If by now you’re thinking, “Ok Man, what is a masculine man?” I’m glad you asked. It should be documented in case nobody can describe one in fifty years. A masculine man should lead, be decisive, accountable, provide and protect. He is a risk-taker and problem-solver, independent, stoic and self-confident. The nature of masculinity is to create and produce.
Masculinity is Fading Fast
Young men are delaying manhood in favor of swiping apps and playing video games. Women delay maturity, too, as expressed by their “adulting,” despite being in their thirties. My older readers wouldn’t recognize youthful inter-gender dynamics nowadays. The dating ritual mostly begins online and continues almost exclusively through text messaging.
Men avoid the masculine task of approaching a woman to ask for her phone number, figuring it’s easier to swipe an app and spare themselves possible rejection. Young guys are proficient in the language of emojis, lol’s and lack of punctuation to express themselves, but have never had to do any of the following:
- Call and ask a girl’s dad to speak to his daughter (because of cell phones)
- Call his coach or boss to let him know he’ll be absent (because of email or text)
- Approach a woman in person he’s interested in dating (because of apps)
Masculinity is fading—it stinks.
Youngsters not only speak the same text language, but communicate much differently face-to-face than those born before ~1985. There’s an adherence to extreme literalism, betraying a lack of depth and nuance. Conversation rarely flows, and witticisms are met with blank stares or sideways glances (usually at a screen).
Time otherwise used connecting with people or immersing themselves in the moment, is instead spent searching for Instagram filters and SnapChatting the moment. Everyone says they read, but their daily digestion of short-hand content means they’re not reading anything of depth. This results in lack of eye contact, superficial relationships and surface-level thinking.
Ambiguity in the Dating Pool
Flirting, which accentuates the masculine/feminine poles and creates excitement, is frequently foregone in lieu of “hanging out.” What follows is an ambiguous phase where nobody knows whether two people are dating or not. My presumption is they believe without clarity of intentions, they’ll experience less pain if it doesn’t work out. Pain avoidance has been indoctrinated into many millennials since they received their first trophy for fogging a mirror.
I remember my first shot at a trophy. It was an award given for Best Athlete at St. Genevieve Summer Camp. I was six years old. I wanted that trophy so bad I couldn’t sleep the night before. When the winner was announced, I wanted to cry. The trophy was given to a kid named Eric Richard. He was a year older than me, so I didn’t think it was fair. And so I learned life isn’t fair and how to be happy for others’ success; use pain and rejection as fuel. The only winners in raising little humans to think they’re special are trophy manufacturers. But I digress.
These young adults maintain ambiguity in the mating ritual by using work as an excuse and “hang out” when it’s convenient. Notice how often you call someone under 30 and their voicemail says, “I’ll call you back at my earliest convenience.” Huh? With communication skills diminishing and entitlement ever-increasing, the dating game in Houston resembles that of New York: Everyone is “busy” and thinks they can do better.
A Masculine Man is Hardwired for the Hunt, Not the Swipe
Despite the feminine saturation of American culture the past 60 years, it is still incumbent on the man to take the initiative to find and establish romance. This seemingly last vestige of traditional courtship has been preserved, as it should be—a man with a masculine core is wired to “hunt.” To effectively approach and court a woman, a man should understand his masculinity and its role in maintaining a satisfying relationship.
A man’s proclivity for sex, boosted by the visual, is ingrained in his genetic makeup. The omnipresence of feminine conditioning in the West has led many men to believe they’re superficial for being easily aroused. This, of course, is nothing to be ashamed of; a man should not deny his hardwiring. As long as men are still producing 12-17 times more testosterone than women, men will continue to pursue the feminine form, driven almost entirely by visual stimulation.
The man who walks up to a woman, sticks his hand out and introduces himself will jump the line of aforementioned “app-swipers.” In demonstrating confidence, which women universally find appealing, a man will have allowed a woman to radiate femininity. A foundation for polarity between a masculine core and a feminine essence is created and established during this 60 seconds of male aggression. Create and produce.
Male and female nature is polarity in the same way magnetism between the North and South Poles are polarized and attract. Ditto the positive and negative flows of a battery. Too many young men today mistakenly try to attract women by being more like them. Women are no better. They talk about their strength and independence as if such characteristics will appeal to a masculine man. Opposites attract, ladies and gents.
The Truth About a Roni
In the conflation of masculinity and femininity, it is widely believed that man’s attraction to a feminine, soft and sweet tenderoni makes him less of a man. The notion being that a more confident man would want a strong, highly educated and independent “modern woman.” One can only surmise this falsehood was promoted by angry feminists (redundant) to support their agenda.
I’ve never known a man who feels “threatened” by a woman with more formalized education and a well-paying job. Though I do know men who find strong, aggressive and overly confident women obnoxious. A woman with an outsized development of self-esteem is grandiosely narcissistic.
A man generally will strive for a relationship with a woman he believes will visually stimulate him long-term, while secondarily considering other traits. A man who courts a woman where there is low physical attraction is doing himself a disservice as it runs counter to his nature. The woman a man chooses, who in turn chooses him, should inspire him to become a better man by her presence and way of being. The feminine radiance a woman exudes will inspire the masculine man to further his productivity and achievements.
“Looks” matter to women, but they’ll naturally place a higher value on height, status and income. None of these innate preferences of heterosexual males and females make one superficial. In the words of your office d-bag, “It is what it is.”
The physical attractiveness of a man becomes less important to a woman as she matures. Thus, when a woman’s sexual market value begins declining, she is more apt to seek a man capable of long-term provisioning. In a study published last month, “Females were four times more sensitive than males to economic status cues when rating opposite sex attractiveness, indicating that higher economic status can offset lower physical attractiveness in men much more easily than in women.” Regardless of a woman’s need for provisioning, women generally desire men they perceive as higher value than themselves who embody their sexual reciprocal (high femininity = high masculinity).
“Stand true to your calling to be a man. Real women will always be relieved and grateful when men are willing to be men.” – Elisabeth Elliot
A very masculine man will be attracted to a woman with a very feminine essence, who will complement his energy. A feminine man will attract a more masculine woman. While most of us strike a healthy balance, it stands to reason that if a man seeks to attract a feminine woman, he must first develop his masculine core. Masculinity begets femininity, which starts at hello.
The tendency in our society for young men and women to become more alike is a ticking time bomb for gender relations.
Have thoughts on the present state of inter-gender dynamics in America? If so, please leave a comment.