The topic of male/female differences, and our respective communication styles, is seemingly taboo in our society. Our unwillingness to discuss inter-gender dynamics helps none of us in relationships. How men and women interact is the basis and barometer of our civilization.
I can think of no more valuable skill set to possess than that of a good communicator. And no more important relationship than the one with our significant other. Like any skill set, the art of communication can be improved through study and practice, thereby increasing satisfaction in our relationships.
More of the Same (Sex)
In a recent blog post on needing more masculinity in America, I bashed feminism’s impact on how men and women relate to each other. Males and females are slowly becoming a similar sex instead of the opposite sex they’ve always been (as far as we know).
Masculinity is shamed in our society while feminism has become a defining force. It is symptomatic of the decline of our culture.
I mistakenly thought I’d found an advocate for my views last week on Quartzy. A young woman published an article titled, “Dating Preferences Among Men and Women are Looking Increasing Similar.” She writes, “Regrettably, traditional gender roles persist even in very egalitarian societies.” I realized her title was aspirational. She envisions a future where men and women look for exactly the same qualities in each other. For her, that would equal true “gender equality.” The adverse effect of a uniform gender is lost on today’s youth.
What’s the Difference?
There are biological differences between men and women. Those unwilling to accept that which separates men and women biologically and psychometrically won’t derive any value from my blogs on inter-gender relations. Consider whether you find these psychometric differences between the sexes self-evident before reading my next article:
- Women are primarily interested in people; men are interested in things.
- Women are more agreeable than men (more compassionate, polite, avoid conflict, etc.).
- Women are higher in negative emotion (anxiety, emotional pain, etc.).
If one believes he is clever in naming an exception to these rules, then he shouldn’t lack sagacity in understanding probabilities. The man who accuses one of being stupid for generalizing is often stupid because he does not.
“Humans are hardwired to learn specifics when they should be focused on generalities.” – Nassim Taleb
Feedback from my Masculinity Article
Several of you who read, “We Need More Masculinity in America, Not Less,” have said it prompted long talks with your significant other. Some have encouraged me to continue the male/female theme because the information is helpful. One guy texted me saying, “Wow, you’re the only one with the balls to say this stuff!” He requested more of an “action plan” or “what can I do?” My next article will give actionable advice for men and women.
The feedback hasn’t been all positive. More than once I’ve gotten, “What/how do you know?” or “That’s your opinion based on your limited experience.” I imagine they suppose I could somehow write their opinion or tap into limitless experience.
I find these criticisms to be unctuously self-satisfied. Though I assume my views are seen as primitive to the “enlightened;” without rebuttal I can’t be sure. It should be obvious that I can only write from my place in life. My experience, discussions, books and materials, are so varied they’d be impossible to source. I’m sharing one man’s view of male/female differences in how we think and communicate—information I would’ve sacrificed a digit for twenty years ago.
“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard
My Writing Process
My words sometimes help people, which is great. I can’t take much credit. Following meditation and a short prayer, I sit at my desk with a cup of coffee and filter what comes to me into a notebook. Later, if I think it’s worth sharing, I’ll transcribe my notes to the blog.
I strive to write about my curiosities sans ego. As such, no praise takes me too high and no criticism too low. It’s not likely to change—I’ve always been this way.
I seek clarity in hoping to make sense of the world we inhabit. I’ve explored far and wide in an effort to gain understanding: geographically, relationally and intellectually. There have been high risks and equal pain & rewards. I will continue sharing what I’ve learned and hope you enjoy my discoveries. If you’re feeling disagreeable or combative to my writing, I encourage you to enter the “arena” of ideas. Otherwise, like any lecture, book or article, take what is useful and discard the rest.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt